you know what God...

Sometimes I just feel like saying “you know what God…”. Life just doesn’t make sense sometimes and even when it does I’m still left wondering “what’s the point of all this?”. Is this really part of your “plan”, and if it is, why?

I question God. I wonder, and it hurts…a lot sometimes.

Why, as a person am I so overwhelmed with knowing the next step, the next part of this journey this omnipotent, omnipresent, infinite God has me on. Why is just serving Him not enough?

In very resent days I have come to realize just how human I am. I have become aware of how mysterious He is sometimes and how impatient I am all the time. Never, in my wildest dreams, well maybe my wildest, did I ever picture my freshman year of college to be like it has been so far.

I have worried, been sleep deprived, had a job, hated my job, and eventually quit my job. I’ve experienced emotions, fear, guilt, pain, anxiousness, and love and passion…for God. I’ve been human and made stupid mistakes, and I even got a point or two. I’ve spoke to the entire freshman class, unless some of them skipped, oh those sinners! I’ve laughed like a little girl and cried like one too but in everything I continue to grow closer to the God that most of the time doesn’t make any sense to me.

Isn’t that so beautiful?

I’m an idiot, and I’m probably not the first one to admit it, but I am experiencing the deepest sensation of love I have ever felt in my life, for God!

“God, I want to read your words, express my love to you every minute of the day, sing to you, talk to you, except your grace and walk in your footprints. I want to tell your creation my story, how sometimes you were a potter and other times more like a blacksmith. I want to be humbled, and broken, and desperate for you. I want to love you God, and tell the world of that gracious love.”